History of Her Own Unattainable

She walks away
backwards and turning
clutching something
in her arms

again and again
she steps uncertain
along dark streets
fearful and seeking
a way out
of this dim town
west of the platitudes
and just north
of the miseries

she pauses
runs fingers through hair
that falls as ash
contemplating the choice
she cannot have
the essential thing absent
not there, not then